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My Cat’s an Asshole
Man, I’m in a sour mood. Usually when I’m in a bad mood, I just eat something delicious. Works every time. Unfortunately, I’ve committed to a 365 Project where I work out for at least 20 minutes...
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Some Observations on Water Fasting
true story. Zomg it’s a Lollipop Tuesday. I’ve picked up a few ducklings in the new year, so if you’re unfamiliar with Lollipop Tuesday shenanigans, you can read up on them here. Or if you’re too lazy...
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Ooooh, Shiny.
It has been quite some time since I’ve done any housecleaning or upkeep around here. Last year I was all “let’s add a custom header” and “yay widgets!” and this year I’m, well, lazy. Enough of that....
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The Best Baby Shower Ever
Man, I hate baby showers. I pretty much hate all showers that don’t include water. It mostly has to do with the idea of so much estrogen stuffed into a room together, and a little to do with the fact...
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My Contribution to Humanity
Guys, this is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Well, me. I’ve been waiting for. But I know that deep down all along you’ve been rooting for me and so this will mean almost as much to you as it...
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Sometimes I Like to Drink Naked in My Lobster Suit
Well, I can no longer take all the fat on my stomach and smoosh it together with my hands to create an enormous pouch of jelly. So that’s nice. For those of you unacquainted with my fatness, allow me...
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I Fought the Law and the Law Didn’t Win
Happy Lollipop Tuesday, my dearest dearies. I so adore you all that I’ve decided to go to a gig with Dave, whip open my laptop, and tell you about a time that scared me out of my wits instead of...
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I Am Adult; Hear Me Roar.
Tonight I had a bit of a chocolate craving and I didn’t want to give in so instead I went out for frozen yogurt and then bought 5 bags of M&Ms and ate 3 of them. It happens. I don’t like it, but...
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The Gauntlet
The time has come, the walrus said, for you to do something with your damn self. Actually, the walrus wanted to talk about many things like shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. But...
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Board the Awesome Train
There is no room in your brain for new content from me today. Because it should be filled to the brim with ideas for how you might best conquer The Gauntlet. That’s right: The Gauntlet. I told you all...
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You’re Gonna Miss the Train
This is the awesome train. It’s leaving soon. I’m sure that you thought since we’ve passed April 1, I’m going to leave you alone about the whole Gauntlet thing. But I’m not. This is my last chance to...
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Me and Miss Bojangles
If you were avoiding my blog posts because they were all about The Gauntlet and, like church on Sunday, you stayed away for fear of true conviction, I have good news: it’s over for now. Business as...
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A Good Night for a Drunk Run
I shouldn’t really say I update on Wednesdays if I’m not going to get off my rear and post before midnight, right? I was off my rear, though. I’ve been off my ass since 7 this morning; I just wasn’t...
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Showerheads. Furries. I’m Tired.
I have lived in my apartment for three years and have only just now discovered that this entire time, my shower head featured a massage function. Well, “massage function” insomuch as an apartment...
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For the Love of All Things Holy, Please Don’t Take My Lollipops
I’m developing a problem. Okay, I’ve had a problem for a while and I’ve only recently watered down my stubbornness enough to taste the truth of it: I have a serious affinity for sugar. I know, I know –...
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Behold: The Jackalope
Ladies and gentlemen, IT’S LOLLIPOP TUESDAY! Man, it’s been a while since I’ve said that. I think that has a little do to with the fact that I’ve been focusing on the 5K (read: rocking myself to sleep...
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The Reckoning
Hello, beautiful people. Today is the day I announce The Gauntlet winner. Isn’t that exciting? Well, maybe not. If you didn’t compete, I guess this can just be a post to read about people who have...
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Can’t Work; Gone Camping
I’m approaching my foretold destiny as a child of the forest. By “foretold”, I’m referring to my having told you before. Though, I’ve also told you I’m a well-ripening cat lady so it appears I’ve laid...
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My Struggle with Dance
I wasn’t born a dancer. I have the long, gangly limbs of an awkward schoolgirl married with the anxieties of a shut-in. Though I’m often mistaken for the kind of person who will get up and dance, it’s...
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Pressed and Pegged and Oh-So-Flattahed
Hello ducklings old and new, and Happy Wednesday. It’s time for a post. The coveted badge. notice Peg’s fantastic skills in the application, “Paint”. It’s part of her appeal. There are a few honors in...
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